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Currently Listening 69 Love Songs By Magnetic Fields I don't want to get over you see related

Just broke a month long dry spell. Cried my eyes out. Ha! That's kind of a disgusting idiom--crying your eyes out!

Felt good to finally relieve some tension with weeping. Then I took a bath.

I want my egghead back. I wish my dog were here to comfort me. Im ok though. Im always ok. Even though I dont really have my life together and I feel sad and lonely and rejected--Im ok, ya know? Through everything, I've always been ok, I think. Any girl who had the crazy childhood I had would know that she's ok, cause like, she'd know what 'not ok' is and that she's definitely not 'not ok', at least right now. Wow, I totally sound 'not okay'. Im just tired.

I expect it to be hard, being alive and whatnot. I think that's one of the crucial things everyone should know, and some people--believe it or not--dont know: that being alive is painful, so you better learn to like pain.

Im just babbling.

Day three of my new self.

I feel like throwing out everything pre-right now and staring fresh.

Ran again tonight. Must make this a daily thing. Been getting to be before 1am and getting up before 8am. The Sun has been makin' the ganglion cells in my retinohypothalamic path talk to my suprachiasmic nucleus which has been causing my pineal gland to set free all kinds of melatonin during the day, thus resetting my sleep cycle. Thanks Sun.

So, I should be at that work retreat right now, like, getting to know the people I work with or something. But damn it if I didn't sleep late. Stupid non-complying circadian rhythm.

It's ok I guess. Although everyone will think I'm all anti-team spirit or something. I really wanted to be there too. Now I appear apathetic. Damn, I gotta come up with a better excuse than "I slept late". That's just too common.

I went out for breakfast with my Dad instead of finding out exactly what the other departments actually do. The fact that he asked me to go eat breakfast with him is amazing. Because it required him to be (1) awake and (2) not at work. He was making me laugh. I cut up my pancakes into little squares before I put syrup on them, which inspired him to say, "Oh, isn't that smart; Did they teach you that in school?"

He was also telling me that he is eating healthy--no fried foods, just Chinese Food (because he has to get his vegetables) and lots of water. Hilarious. I think he's the only person I know who thinks MSG and heavy brown sauces are healthy. But, I guess as long as there's broccoli in there, you can't go wrong. I told him that the salt and MSG probably aren't so good for him if he eats too much of it, but he says he feels better after a "light Chinese meal", than after Kentucky Fried Chicken. He said he stopped for fried chicken yesterday though, so he cheated. Then I started thinking--last week when I was over here he was eating fried chicken too....

Oh Papa.